When you get to 67 (well, I am nearly there), nothing much should be a surprise.
Except maybe waking up in the morning with no aches and pains – now, that would be a shock.
No sore back, no posture like a half-opened pen knife, no aching feet until the blood slowly pumps through the fat little body.
If that wasn’t there, I certainly would be surprised.
I mention this because next week I have to go to a wedding in Melbourne.
The surprising part was when I read the invitation: “1.30pm wedding in Fitzroy Gardens. Dress: Girls, look fabulous. Boys, retro rugby league jersey.”
All I could picture was me in the middle of Melbourne on a busy Saturday afternoon, stumbling around in broad daylight in a Raiders jersey with ‘Canberra Milk’ emblazoned on the front.
Not good.
That said, I was comforted in the fact that there would be 40 other blokes with me.
But then I thought: what if my invitation was the only one that said that?
I would look like an idiot.
Do you have an opinion to share? Submit a Letter to the Editor at Sunshine Coast News via news@sunshinecoastnews.com.au. You must include your name and suburb.
So, I rang a mate who said his had the same on it.
This made me feel slightly less stressed but still a little wary.
What if on everyone else’s invitation it said: “If Tugboat rings, you tell him you are wearing a footy jersey. Dress code is actually formal, but don’t tell that tosser.”
I was back to being stressed.
Then I thought, “Hey, how bad can it be when I look back at my track record?”
I did about eight years from the start of this century doing pantomimes at Christmas.
Dressed as the Fairy God Mother in a tutu, footy socks and work boots, Deep Fryer Tuck, a Door Mouse.
All stone-cold sober, mind you.
How bad can it be in Fitzroy Gardens with a couple of Carlton Draughts under my tail?
I was starting to feel better when I remembered the time I won a fancy dress competition as Uncle Fester in front of 500 people.
I’d put a flashing light bulb in my mouth just so we got to win a family trip to Sea World.
Just last week, I impersonated a female stripper at Sea FM for a mate’s hens’ party.
So, there is probably nothing that can happen to me in Fitzroy that compares to me in Falcons budgie smugglers, so bring it on.
Ashley Robinson is Chairman of Sunshine Coast Falcons and Sunshine Coast Thunder Netball and a lifetime Sunshine Coast resident.
