Comparison is said to be the thief of joy.
And while it might not don a balaclava or take money and jewellery, social media platforms are the vilest of robbers.
Looking in on others’ lives is a strange kind of accepted voyeurism.
Whether it be their beautiful getaway meticulously curated on an Instagram reel or their epic bike ride mapped out on Strava, elements of private lives are shared like never before.
Everywhere, people are together, smiling, active, joyful.
Such prevalent displays give pause for thought for those not included or connected: scrolling through lives played out with others on social media can too often make humans feel extra alone.
Facebook whistleblower Frances Haugen detailed the company’s eyes-wide-open tactics to lure and then hook users into this world of comparison and (dis)connection.
She spoke out because she was rightly worried about the effects on children.
But I contend that the harm to adults can also be severe.
An article on motivations of social comparison in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology three years ago found that comparing ourselves to others is natural, but often leads to confidence corrosion and feelings of disconnection.
Social media magnifies the problem.
Sometimes the reason for the devastation and loneliness is ostracism: being excluded.
I am sadly familiar with the sting of hearing allusions to something shared on a family chat I have been excluded from.
I know the hurt that comes from friends with similar interests starting a social media group but leaving me off the list.
It creates a wound that is hard to heal.
My friend shared her experience of another harm – the kind that comes with having your contributions to a family chat met with deafening silence amid general jocularity and affection.
Being erased or ignored online can feel worse than an overt falling out.
The pain of online exclusion even has its own name: cyberostracism.
Studies have found it to be a serious modern threat to fundamental human needs of belonging, self-esteem, control and meaningful existence.
Social media is here to stay, so we need to be mindful of those in our circles who might be feeling excluded and lonely.
Dr Jane Stephens is a UniSC journalism lecturer, media commentator and writer.
